Let Him Go And Move On

"One of the most courageous decisions you'll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul." -Bridgitt Nicole





Letting go is hard.

Moving on is tricky. 

Sometimes we are forced to let go of friends, a loved one, and sometimes even family. 

So easy, right? 

We’ve all been through it at some point.

But when we have to let go do we really move on?

Some of us, yes. Some, no. 

You might go out with some friends. 

Or go on a random road trip to somewhere you have never been.

The hardest thing I've ever had to go of was what could have been.

You see, I never saw myself falling in love with him.

I never once thought I'd had feelings like I did.

It just happened.

But the day came that I realized he may have been what I wanted, but he sure as hell wasn't what I needed.

He showed me that.

If I had needed him, he wouldn't have left my side.

If I had needed him, God would've never let him leave me.

No, I just wanted him.

And with that, brought thinking that I needed him.

There were signs from the very first day.

Red flags if you will.

But I ignored them.

Like I always do.

It was easy and fun.

He made me smile.

He made me forget what it was like to hurt like I had before.

But not much longer came the sadness.

The trust issues.

The small but very apparent lies.

The reasons I should just run away.

Yet, I didn't.

I stayed.

Giving him all of the power to hurt me.

Letting him think he could get away with it.

Letting him get comfortable enough to find something better and leave me high and dry.

I kept asking myself, what is wrong with me.

What did I do?

What could I have done better?

But then I told myself, it isn’t you sister. 

It’s him. 

He never wanted you in the first place.

It was a game to him.

The thrill of accomplishing yet another woman he thought he couldn't have.

But then I realized...

Why in the hell, would would you want anyone, who doesn’t want you back.

Until next time.

How To Love The Independent Woman

You ever lay your eyes on a gorgeous woman and think to yourself, I gotta know her? 

And then you speak to her and you’re even more intrigued. Like holy crap, this girls got it going on.  

Now, I know what you’re thinking, no one ever has it all figured out. 

But for a woman who is independent, and knows pretty much where she’s headed in life, she seems to have it all figured out. 

And while most people find that that’s something they want or are interested in, in reality, it is not that easy loving an independent woman. 

You see, she became independent for a reason. 

Maybe it was a bad heartbreak she suffered through. 

Maybe she lost everything she ever had. 

Regardless of what it was, something made her become independent. 

And that’s the thing about an independent woman, they’re so hard to love sometimes. 

But if you’re willing to take the time to get past those walls she’s built, I can promise you, it’ll so be worth it. 

You see, the independent woman doesn’t need you. 

Or so it’ll appear that way. 

She will want you. 

If she chose you, believe me, consider yourself special because she doesn’t just choose anyone. 

But she doesn’t need anyone. 

She knows what life is like all alone. 

Her walls are up. 

Her guard is even stronger. 

Her emotions are wild. 

But her love, it runs so deep. 

She’s seen pain like no one else has seen it. 

She’s felt lonelier than anyone ever has. 

But she did it because she knew, pain was something she didn’t want to feel forever. 

She knew moving on with life was where she belonged. 

She knew that at the right time, in the right place, someone special would come along. 

And by now you’re thinking, damn, this is a lot of work to put in. 

And that’s okay too. 

If you think that, then she’s not for you. 

But if you’re not thinking that... boy do you have a surprise in store for you. 

Take the time, break down her wall. 

Talk to her guard, soften it up. 

Because believe me, when she shows you she wants and needs you, the love you will receive will be unmatched to any you’ve ever seen. 

So by now you’re asking yourself, how do I love the independent woman....

You saddle the hell up. That’s what you do. 

You put your spurs on and hold on for the wild ride. 

Because it won’t be easy. 

She will question you. Remember she’s been hurt. 

She will try to walk away. Go after her. 

She will act like she’s not phased by you. She truly is. 

But then, she will talk to you about what hurt her. 

LISTEN! 

She might even cry. 

WIPE HER TEARS!

But then, when you least expect it, she will start to trust. 

She will be so soft. 

She will even be gentle. 

She will snuggle into your side and let out that big “I’m home” type of sigh. 

She will laugh with you. 

She will talk to you for hours. 

She will be so comfortable around you, it’ll feel like you’ve known her forever. 

And then, now and only here on out, she will include you in her future. 

All those plans she’s made, you’ve become apart of them. 

All those goals she’s written down, you’re in them. 

You are apart of her. 

Now listen when I say this last thing....

Don’t fuck it up. 

Until next time...

Don’t Look Back You’re Not Going That Way

With my 30th birthday quickly approaching(7 days to be exact from when I am writing this) there’s so much on my mind these days.

Every year around this time I always like to reflect.

Take a look at where I've been.

What all I made it through.

But this birthday is a big one.

I love birthdays. Especially my own.

I think it's cool to see people change throughout the years.

So I can't help but think about how much has happened, all that’s changed, the good and the bad of the last 10 years of my life.

10 years ago I was 19, almost 20. 

I was playing softball in college, it was my second semester, fall of 2008. 

I was dating a guy for about a year at this point, he was the first person to ever take me fishing. I caught my first fish, a nice little yellow cat out of the Brazos river. 

A couple of years later when I was 23 I found myself single, and attending school at Sam Houston State University where I changed my major to something I knew nothing about, Agriculture. 

I later met my ex husband Blake, who I can remember being so shy, I kept thinking, is he ever going to kiss me! 

We played a ton of softball together. 

Like literally there was one time we were at the fields 4 nights a week then playing tournaments on the weekends.

After a few years we went on to get engaged.

Shortly after my entire world changed when some things happened with my dad and my mom died 40 days after that.

It didn't quite hit me at the time, I was sort of numb to it all.

It was about 2 months after that it hit me my mom was never coming back.

I would never hear her voice again or get to hold her hand.

Even worse, she wouldn't get to walk me down the isle with my dad and be there the day I finally have kids.

It's something that still bothers me today.

But then I got Chico.

He was the light I so badly needed in my life.

He gave me kisses and would let me just hug him for hours until the tears passed.

I found myself wanting to go outside more and play fetch with him.

I found myself wanting to hang out with people again.

At 27 years old, I ended up purchasing my first home and took ownership of another.

And Blake and I did end up getting married.

Unfortunately that was short lived.

My heart had forever changed, maybe a part of me would always envy him because he would never know how I felt. But a part of me also change. There was a shift in who I was and what I wanted to become. It was one of those cliche "life is short" things but with me it legit happened and I wanted to see what all life had to offer.

I was alone.

Very alone.

I traveled.

I met new people.

Saw new places.

When I was 28 I met another lost soul looking for himself. We dated on and off, nothing serious but we definitely understood what it was like to have lost someone so close to us.

28 was my BEST YEAR.

I did whatever I wanted.

I've always been one of those girls who does what she wants, makes her own decisions, says what she feels and so forth. It is white or black with me. No gray area. You will always know where I stand.

But 28 was good.

I made new friends.

Lost others.

Hell I even moved to a big city for a whole month. (that's another story)

But then came 29.

That shit was rough

I moved, again.

I was lonelier than ever.

Constantly searching for my place in life.

The BEST DAMN THING I COULD'VE EVER DONE WAS MY CAREER CHANGE.

I cannot say it enough, I love my job.

Earlier this year I went in search of some me time.

I needed a break from life.

And anytime I need to clear my head and really listen to my thoughts, I go to the ocean.

That's my place.

That is where I feel completely at ease.

The calming of the waves. The smell of the salty water.

So I went to the ocean.

But this time I went fishing. 

And boy have I fished. 

To catching my first king fish in Corpus, to almost landing a 150 pound tarpon in Port Isabel, to catching reds in Matagorda Bay.... what a fun ending to summer it was. And better yet a fun ending to my twenties. 

As I look back on the last decade of my life I can’t help but be excited for what's to come.

Somewhere along the way I lost myself. 

Bad.

I lost friends I thought would always be in my life.

I fell in love with a man who didn't love me back.

I lost my dad in one way.

And my mom to heaven.

But I also found an even better me. 

I fell in love with this ridiculous EDM band called the Chainsmokers and literally dance my butt off in the car when I’m driving listening to them. 

I fell in love with a fury animal that has four legs. 

But most importantly I fell in love with myself.

DEAR GOD I FELL IN LOVE WITH MYSELF.

If you know me then you know I love me, right?

But I mean it.

No one will ever love me the way I love me.

No one was there to pick me up when I was down.

No one was there to feel exactly what I felt but me.

I picked up the pieces.

I put me back together.

I moved and moved, again.

I did it and DAMN DOES IT FEEL GOOD!!

I learned a lot in this last decade.

I learned that no matter how good of a person you are, some people will always just be shitty, BE KIND ANYWAY!

I learned that if you work hard, the reward is that much sweeter.

I learned that dogs will ALWAYS love you unconditionally no matter how hard you spank them or how long you leave them home alone.

I learned that no matter what I have been through, no matter how good and how bad, it will always be apart of me, but that I don't have to let it define me.

Yes, it is apart of me, and yes, it did shape me into who I am, but I know that chapter of my life is closing.

No, not the entire book, because I am still here, but the chapter, YES!

And guess what..

This next chapter is going to be EPIC!!!!



Stay Tuned.
Until Next Time...

Self Love is the Best Kind of Love

I’ve had a lot of people reaching out to me in the last few months on my blogs and why I haven’t written anything in a while. 

To be honest I’ve been extremely busy and the second I took some free time I made an effort to do something I enjoy which is the beach so I went fishing. 

But after having a friend reach out to me recently wanting to post something on my blog and just never got around to it, figured it was time to put something together. 

However, as always there’s always something on my mind, something on my heart and something I need to say (imagine that). 

I’ve seen a lot of friends struggling lately, maybe it’s the time of year, we are all going through something inside, transitioning, but something that needs to be reminded is to LOVE YOURSELF. 

You cannot love someone or something if you do not love yourself. 

I will repeat that...

YOU CANNOT LOVE SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IF YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF!!!! 

Self love is hard. 

It’s raw. 

It’s honest.

It’s lonely. 

It’s vulnerable. 

It’s truly finding who you are and what truly makes you happy. 

We have somehow gotten so mixed up in social media and what everyone else thinks of us. 

How many likes we have or how many people viewed our latest snap story. 

We are so wrapped up in seeking validation from others that we are not focusing on ourselves and that is the furthest thing away from self love.  

Because at the end of the day, when you’re left with no one and you’re all alone, who is going to be there to make you happy? Yourself, that’s who!

Love yourself. 

Do what you love. 

Make yourself happy.

& Follow your heart. 

So I will leave you with something that really speaks volumes to me...

“You will always be “too much” of something for someone. Too big. Too loud. To soft. To wild. To happy. Etc. If you continue to round yourself out for others you’ll only lose that edge that makes you so special. Apologize for your mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone. But never apologize for being too you.” 

Until next time...

Catfishing in College Station, Tx

Have you ever heard of the tv show called Catfish.

A man who was catfished started the show. 

For those of you who don’t know what “catfishing” is, Wikipedia says that "Catfishing is a type of deceptive activity where a person creates a sock puppet social networking presence, or fake identity on a social network account, for nefarious purposes."

Now I’m sure some of you have felt “catfished” before by someone you may know... and maybe in a way we all have when we find out that someone we know turned out to be a different person than that portrayed themselves to be... but this is SO MUCH MORE than that....

& Here’s how...

Someone I know, very close to me just got to the bottom of her "Catfish."

A girl by the name of Rachel Elyzabeth Marler was pretending to be a guy named Deven Black(whose Facebook is no longer available, but as you can see in the pitcure... it once was.

Now in case you didn't know you can basically google ANYTHING on the inter webs.

If you've never googled yourself now is the time.

I literally google everyone I know, meet, etc.

You can find everything you need to know about someone on google.

Anyway...

When my friend was talking to this guy she met on a social media app called Tinder, she told me about him and everything was cool. Last I heard about that website you can link it to your Facebook and I didn't even think about someone creating a "fake Facebook"... because who does that?

Rachel does.

Well, they started talking on the phone. Small talk, hows everything going...and Rachel(Deven)... sounded like a guy.

Countless of nights we'd go out and drunk dial Deven(Rachel).

Well one night my friend got a phone call from jail. It was Rachel.

So then began the questions.

Well, like I said you can find anything on in the inter webs and I found the following Deven Black on google.

So, like I said....then began the questions.

Not only did we question her but we (and I mean we because we have our friend's back) thoroughly questioned her.

So after some serious searching from another friend of ours... we then found out the photos she/he was using on their brand new Twitter and Facebook they had now created...were all fake. They turned out to be someone who is in the rodeo circuit in the BCS area. Because that was his thing... he is a Bronc rider.

So fast forward a few more months....and everyone basically saying when is this guy actually going to show his face. Countless of times he had made plans to come out to meet my friend but each time, something would "come up" and he wouldn't show.

What became interesting was Deven portrayed to be BEST FRIENDS with Rachel Marler and sent her to meet because he said I want to make sure she is who she says she is.

So Rachel/Deven, went to a Rodeo to meet with my friends and then on another occasion to her work.

But all of this time we kept thinking... Deven must be real because he has a snapchat and would post videos and pictures of himself(never quite directly of his face) and of things he was doing with the location filtered at the bottom.

Today I learned you can PAY to change your location and geofilter....

The trouble people will go through to maintain their lies...

Well, the most recent questions came from pictures being sent to my friend that she in returned found out were of a young man that recently passed away in a horrible car accident.

That was the line being drawn.

After speaking to the reality tv show on Catflish... my friend and I were giving all of the details so they could investigate and do the show because at this point my friend just wanted to get answers on who the person really was....

And Rachel/Deven agreed to meet with my friend last night and admit everything.

Here's the video she posted of herself last night admitting it all.

Now, let me make this VERY CLEAR... this post is not to harass her, embarrass her, or get her the attention she clearly doesn't deserve.... it is a warning for others that may be getting Catfished from someone from "Bakersfield, California, that moved to Stephenville and Cowboy as they come, two stepping extraordinaire".... then you might want to second guess yourself because it could be Rachel.

Someone please help her.

We have contacted her, her parents and even a former friend from her sorority at Texas A&M University.

Which brings us another concern... she is a student at A&M, and wears their Aggie ring proudly(as most students/former students do)... but what I can't help but wonder is how she is a student (reenrolling after a semester off) but doesn't honor the Aggie Code. Which those of you who aren't familiar with it... the code is "An Aggie does not lie, cheat or steal or tolerate those who do. The Aggie Code of Honor is an effort to unify the aims of all Texas A&M men and women toward a high code of ethics and personal dignity."

Now, I am not a former student of Texas A&M but I live in this town and have many friends who are very passionate about their school and honor code... and I will say this... if I was a student and found out one of my former classmates was doing something of this sort... I would do what I needed to do to help her get the help she needs and deserves.

Enough is enough..

Before she hurts herself... or worse.... someone else. 

The Only New Year Resolution You Should Have Made

Tomorrow is January 15th.

Halfway through the month of a brand new year. 

Looking back on 2017 it was a tough year for many of us. 

A while back I wrote this blog about people who start talking about doing this or that for the new year. 

I even see lists go up on people’s status’ and it gets rather annoying seeing the people I know taking about this change or that change when in just a few weeks they’re still the same old person they’ve always been, no new goals, no new change.

But I made one resolution and it’s the best one I could’ve ever made.

For 2018 I promised myself that ANYTHING or ANYONE that brought me unhappiness, sadness, ruined my day, put a damper on plans, or simply was a burden to my life... your ass got left in 2017! 

That goes for people, places, jobs, things whatever in the heck has come into my life that simply didn’t make sense, pissed me off, played with my emotions, screwed me over or plain was such a sucky thing.... you’re gone. 

I made a social media cleanse of people I know don’t care to ever speak to me in person but sure do love following my whereabouts. I deleted numbers in my phone and even blocked a name or two. 

Because while I was heartbroken over people, places and things that brought my unhappiness... I got told something one day that hit me really hard. A friend told me to let people go. Let them go! Because God is talking you to places that they no longer belong in your life and when those people start coming back around he wants you to know you’re better off because he’s already shown you who they are! 

So I’m inviting you now that if you haven’t made a new year resolution or if maybe your year hasn’t started off the way you wanted... make the cleanse. Make 2018 only be about people and places that bring you nothing but happiness. 

Because you deserve it. 

Until next time...