Dating in 2019

Okay so it's no secret to say that dating in 2019 is a joke.

Sure there are more possible ways to date now than there were 10 years ago because of apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge.

But then again there are also easier ways to ghost someone, or just drop someone, or just get the one thing most guys are after and then move on.

Which, don't get me wrong, those apps are great and all. I have friends who have met their significant other on some of those apps, but I decided to delete my accounts and just go with the old fashioned way.

Here's a little back story on me:

After dating someone last summer, I took a break for two months then dated again. It went downhill faster than I could even imagine and once it did I thought to myself "WHAT AM I DOING?"

I saw the red flags. I chose to ignore them.

BUT WHY?

Because I didn't want to be alone?

Did I even really like him?

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

So I told myself, no more.

You're done dating.

So I quit.

I QUIT DATING.

I told myself than anytime a guy comes along and I get a red flag within the first few days or even first date or two I'm out.

Why waste time?

Why continue to hang out or put myself in a position where he can try to "hook up" when I've already gotten the red flags?

So I did.

For the last 8 months I have been on 3 dates.

1 in December.
1 in January.
1 last week.

And here's what I have to say about dating.....

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON???

Am I wrong for being a little old fashioned where I expect the guy to come to my house, pick me up for dinner(with or without flowers) and take me on a proper date?

The last time a guy came to my house(he actually drove from 3 hours away) and picked me up, made reservations and took me on a date was in August of 2017. He took me out for drinks and dancing afterwards and didn't try to have sex with me at the end of the night either.

Because he values me.

A man who doesn't try to hook up with a woman immediately respects her and values her.

Sure, times are different now, where we text, social media is a major factor, I'm such a go with the wind kind of girl that I just get up and go so often times i'll get asked on a fishing date or a come play softball with me date... but never fails.... I see the red flags all too soon and I'm out.

I was chatting with a girlfriend yesterday about dating and she said something that spoke volumes to me.

Her words "The way sex is normalized these days is just upsetting. People make it so casual and get mad if you don't do it immediately."

Ummmm, THANK YOU!

First off let's just start off by agreeing that sex is great. BUT IT IS NOT MEANT TO BE HAD WITH EVERYONE.

I take pride in myself in knowing I don't give it up easily. I take pride in myself knowing what I like and how I like it but knowing I can damn sure go without it too.

Show me some respect. 
Show me you value me.

There's a guy who I crushed on so hard for a while, who I had hung out with on multiple occasions and even ended up in his bed in my tee shirt and underwear not once but TWICE and he never tried a thing with me. NOT ONE THING. We got in bed, he put his arm around me, and we went to sleep.

AND WHY? Because he values me as a woman.

He knew I wouldn't be like the rest of them to just give it up. He also knew I wasn't the girl he wanted to use and toss to the side like yesterday's trash.

You see what I am getting at here?

MANY MEN WANT YOU BUT NOT MANY MEN VALUE YOU. 


STOP WITH THE BULL SHIT.

Stop trying to have sex with me.

Stop trying to have sex with the next girl.

And the girl after that.

Show some respect.

Show that you had a momma that raised you with morals.

And dammit, show a woman that you're not like the rest of them.

Let Him Go And Move On

"One of the most courageous decisions you'll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul." -Bridgitt Nicole





Letting go is hard.

Moving on is tricky. 

Sometimes we are forced to let go of friends, a loved one, and sometimes even family. 

So easy, right? 

We’ve all been through it at some point.

But when we have to let go do we really move on?

Some of us, yes. Some, no. 

You might go out with some friends. 

Or go on a random road trip to somewhere you have never been.

The hardest thing I've ever had to go of was what could have been.

You see, I never saw myself falling in love with him.

I never once thought I'd had feelings like I did.

It just happened.

But the day came that I realized he may have been what I wanted, but he sure as hell wasn't what I needed.

He showed me that.

If I had needed him, he wouldn't have left my side.

If I had needed him, God would've never let him leave me.

No, I just wanted him.

And with that, brought thinking that I needed him.

There were signs from the very first day.

Red flags if you will.

But I ignored them.

Like I always do.

It was easy and fun.

He made me smile.

He made me forget what it was like to hurt like I had before.

But not much longer came the sadness.

The trust issues.

The small but very apparent lies.

The reasons I should just run away.

Yet, I didn't.

I stayed.

Giving him all of the power to hurt me.

Letting him think he could get away with it.

Letting him get comfortable enough to find something better and leave me high and dry.

I kept asking myself, what is wrong with me.

What did I do?

What could I have done better?

But then I told myself, it isn’t you sister. 

It’s him. 

He never wanted you in the first place.

It was a game to him.

The thrill of accomplishing yet another woman he thought he couldn't have.

But then I realized...

Why in the hell, would would you want anyone, who doesn’t want you back.

Until next time.

Trusting Someone

Trust. 

Those 5 letters make me want to vomit sometimes.

How we give them to someone and they break it.

Relationships, friends, family.... so easily broken.

I can remember as a little girl the first time I felt deceived by my best friend. She had told one of the boys we grew up with something I asked her not to. Something that never really happened with us but we were going through changes in our life. We went from being one of the boys to actually liking them. So, naturally things changed, and our lines of what secrets should be kept and shouldn't had also.

That stung a little. 

I can remember when I was 17 and being so in love with this guy I was dating. Everything was perfect, we spent tons of time together, went on dates and riding around in his truck. Until one day he started acting weird, he told me he would be at my house at a certain time and he never showed. I ended up running into him at a local store, a girl sitting in his truck with him.

That one stung a little more.

I've lost trust from friendships and relationships plenty of times...

When someone betrays your trust... let it hurt... then let it go. 

Forgive them. 

Release that negative energy so you don't harbor a root of resentment in your heart.

Sometimes it takes being the bigger person to be compassionate.

Put yourself in their shoes.... what caused them to betray your trust.

What are they going through that doesn't make them see clearly that definition of trust between you two.

Everyone has freedom of choice.

Whether they choose to keep your trust, or throw it away, that's okay.

At the end of the day you know your worth, and you're worth it.

And someone out there will admire that.

They will not break your trust.

Just remember not to give it out too easily.

Not everyone deserves it.

And don't worry about all what you're wanting someone to trust...

We’ve all got baggage.... just have to find the one who’s willing to help us unpack. 

Only you know deep in your heart who deserves your trust.

Until next time....

Courage, Vulnerability, and Missing Your "Person"

I feel like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed with what I am writing about.

But I'm not writing this to get HIS attention...

Or maybe I am.

But I am writing because, like always, it soothes me.

I just can't help but want to write about how strong I have been even when I don't exactly feel it.

A week ago today, I made myself so vulnerable.

Ugh, it still hurts being vulnerable and not getting any response in return.

That's right? I put myself out there with HIM and he didn't say a word back to me.

SUCKS RIGHT?

Yes and no.

To be honest I don't blame him.

You see, a few months ago I was introduced to a man by a mutual friend of ours.

Something about being apart of my life is that you will probably at some point be written about in my blog or book.

I never use names unless I ask them for attention because otherwise this snippet of my life can still easily be understood without any names.

So this pertains to my life and something I need to get off my chest!

Anyway, we were introduced, we chatted at hours on end, met face to face and had a crazy good connection.

Well due to unforeseen circumstances, the "timing" was just off.

I was upset at the thought of not having him by my side as I so happily had the last few months but steadily the last few weeks and I told him how I felt about HIM.

When you get my age (28) you just kind of know when something is worth your time and when it isn't.

This is definitely something I wanted to spend more time getting know.

So I put myself out there, put myself on the line, told my true feelings, something he knows is no easy task for me...and NOTHING!!

Ugh, nothing!

Talk about HEARTBREAK.

Like I said, I (kind of) can't blame him.

It's just that maybe in that moment he didn't want to say anything to hurt me or to make a situation something it should be.

I don't know.

But what I do know is that that made me stronger.

I am proud of myself.

I put myself out here.

That took courage.

I am now stronger because of it.

Since then I have stepped out of a few other comfort zones of mine.

1 big one including my home.

1 also including my job.

I took this courage and channeled it into my life, and I am chasing my dream, which is to just go where the wind blows.

I am excited to see what the future has for me all because I had the courage to be vulnerable.

But if you're out there, reading this, just know I don't regret being vulnerable with you. That took a lot of courage. And courage is something I am very fond of these days since that night I so bravely put my feelings on the line for you. And also since since then I have been more courageous than I have been in a while and followed my dreams and closed a book of my life that has been needing to be closed.  So for that I thank you.

And miss you.

You became my "person."

Whether you realized it or not.

I know that now matter what, everything happens for a reason.

You came into my life, left your mark, and for that I am forever thankful.

So if you're out there reading this, which I'm sure you aren't.... don't let something that is important to "ME", pass you by. You should know what I mean. What's meant to be, will always find a way.

Now that.... that took courage!

Until next time!!

Be Single But Don't Let Single Lead You Into The Wrong Person's Arms

I used to have this guy that I would call late when I was bored, or maybe after a few drinks, or maybe when I was just lacking some attention.

Nonetheless, we had this back and forth thing where we both did that...

We all have or have had someone like that, right?

Maybe an ex or someone who was always just there for you but you never really pursued a relationship.

That's kind of how I was with this guy, we never dated but we had many drunken nights together, danced at the local bar everyone goes to, went to lunch together and hung out many of nights with our friends.

But we never had that title, you know, "boyfriend/girlfriend."

We would each go on to see other people and each time it ended there we were, calling and texting each other again.

So, for the longest time I couldn't figure out why we never really got "together."

Now that I've gotten a few years under my belt, I'm not as naive as I once was and I don't allow the bullshit that I used to, it kind of all makes sense.

He was too busy doing his "single" guy thing and hey, I can't blame him.
He wasn't ready to be exclusive, and that's okay, that just means we weren't meant to be.

But now, where I am at, I enjoy doing my own thing.

I'm single and enjoying every bit of it.

Very few people are single and happy.

We tend to get them confused with single and lonely.

Don't get me wrong.

I've been there.

But all single and lonely does is lead you in the arms of someone/somewhere you don't belong.

Sometimes I think a guy will see me as single and think, there's a good one to hook up with.

Nope.

Not happening.

Or what's even better when I was talking to a guy and things didn't work out with him and here comes his friend.

And let me tell you, I'm not lonely enough to sleep with you.

But no seriously I have a rule, I don't date or "hook up" with someones friends.

So if I already dated your friend, you're off limits to me.

I've never broken that rule and 28 years later, I am not about to start.

Because just like girls like to talk, guys do too and guess who doesn't want to be the center of the conversation... ME!

The thing is that things didn't work out with that person so stop going back.

You're not giving room for something great to come along.

You could have the perfect thing standing right in front of you but because you keep "going back" you're not letting what could be, be something great!

Some people are meant to come into your life but that doesn't mean they're meant to stay.

So here's the thing...

KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!

And by knowing what you want, I mean you really gotta know.

I'm not talking about if your friends will approve, or what your parents will think.

I'm talking about waiting until that person comes along that gives you butterflies.

The one that calls you on your shit.

The one that laughs uncontrollably until all hours of the morning.

The one that loves you and your family.

Don't just settle for the one that is there, conveniently.... that's boring.

Wait until the one that scares you comes along.

All those feelings that you get when you're with them, when you see them, when you think about them, when their picture pops up on your timeline.... that's the one.

DON'T SETTLE.


So don't let being single lead you into the arms of the wrong one.

Be single.

Embrace that shit.

And everything will work itself out.






Until next time.