That Thing Called Timing

....It's a son of a bitch!

I have so much on my mind writing this blog and since writing is my scapegoat I figured I would jot my thoughts down and it turned into this.....

There's this thing called timing that has been SO OFF in my life lately.

So what do I do....write about it.

Can you please get it together life?

You see, about 3 months ago I made the decision to move to a bigger city and pursue bigger dreams. I  took a job I was super excited about. I got there. I embraced a much bigger city and I loved so much about it. The only problem...the timing was all off.

Turns out the job wasn't exactly what I wanted as I was promised some things that were kind of non existent. So as I realized as my training days were coming to an end I really didn't have a job for me anymore.

Bummer.

Right?

Ugh, Yes!

Well, I applied all over Houston for about a week and got no bites.

So I did what I knew which was to come home.

Luckily I hadn't sold my house back home yet, so to home I came.

So I put some feelers out about a job and within a day I had 4 interviews lined up. Two in which I wanted, the other two just as backups so to speak.

I ended up getting multiple offers on a few of the jobs. Which honestly was to no surprise because I am a damn hard worker. I can get put into any new situation and I will bust my butt to learn.

Not that I have a choice to. My job feeds me and at the end of the day I don't have a husband or significant other to come home to that will pay my bills and make sure I am fed. Just two dogs who love me. Failure is not an option.

So I accepted a position that I was very familiar with but had never done it before. I knew with just the right amount of training I will succeed at it.

So we will see.

So what does that mean for me??

It just means I wasn't meant to be in Houston just yet?

Does it mean I am meant to be back in Bryan?

For now, YES!

Forever?? Absolutely not!


Trust me when I say I am already looking for my next move. I got a feel of a bigger city and I want more.

You see, to be honest with you I feel that I am not being put up to my full potential here.

Houston really brought out a side in me I never knew I had.

Now don't get me wrong I am a pretty strong person on most days.

Lately, not so much.

Today, definitely not.

But that will change tomorrow when I wake up.

It has to.

For instance, living in Bryan I always have a lunch date or I go home and see my puppies or take a nap or something of that sort.

But in Houston, I would go eat lunch by myself.

Something I NEVER did.

See, strength!!!

And weirdly enough, I loved it.

It's like it gave me some peace and quiet from the craziness of work.

Last weekend I went to San Antonio for a night and while there I was at The Riverwalk Mall by myself.

As much as being in a bigger city scares me and definitely one I have only been to a handful of times was definitely a little intimidating, there's something about taking in a big city that just kind of excites you. You get to see the traffic, people watch and just kind of soak it all in.

After shopping I decided to stop at Margaritaville and grab a drink.

Naturally I sat at the bar top. Something I started doing a few months ago when I went to Vegas and realized how many interesting people you can meet at a bar top by themselves, enjoying some peace and quiet, same as me, taking it all in.

In return, I met some very interesting people.

The bartender was a complete sweetheart yet gorgeous and awesome personality. I am sure she kills it on tips. The guy next to me told me where he's from, currently living and the places he's been all over the world. It was an interesting good time, that's for sure.

So if I had never lived in Houston I would've never done something like meet random strangers at restaurants....

But it's crazy because even though Houston didn't work out, I got something from it....

More courage than I had yesterday.

And for that I am thankful.

Having courage sometimes is TOUGH.

Like tough on so many levels.

Last night I worked up the courage to send a message I normally would NEVER send.

I sucked up my feelings, wrote them out, made myself vulnerable(eww, that word) and worked up the courage to send the text.

Did it make a difference?

Honestly, no.

No in the sense that he didn't respond.

BUT, It did make a difference to me.

In that very moment I had courage.

Courage I wouldn't have had months ago.

Hell, maybe not even a few weeks ago.

Who knows.

But that thing called timing... it's a bitch.

I can honestly say that in the last three years I have learned so much about myself and gained so much from timing.

It's good, it's bad, it's sad, it's happy and glad.

It's so many different fucking things that right now, I hate timing.

I legit hate it.

Because right now, something I so badly want, the timing is all off.

But I love what it's done to me in the past.

I can only hope one day I will love what it's doing to me right now...

So what do I do.

I don't do anything.

I chalk it up as timing, you fucking suck, and I keep on trucking...

I have to.

For about the last 6 months but definitely last two months timing has been the worst. I have done nothing but be a good person, work my ass off, try to achieve goals, get rid of things in my past that continuously try and bring me down, do things I love, see new places and step out of my comfort zone...and despite ALL OF THAT.... I keep getting knocked down. Don't get me wrong.. I always get back up. But DAMN, it would be nice to be up and going for a while because this continuously getting knocked back down is getting old.

I supposed it just has to do with timing, where I am at, where I want to go and where I want to be.

So I am going to end this with something  I came across today... and it's keeping me inspired...

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage are't always comfortable but they are never weakness."

Until next time....