Adjusting To "Different" City Life

Hey everyone.

I had to take a much needed break from social media, and posting because it was getting a bit excessive but, I wanted to take some time to write down some thoughts and share some new experiences that I've had while living in a "different" city.

So about 3 months ago I wrote a blog about me adjusting to city life.

That was about my short stay while living in Houston, living with my sister, her husband and two crazy kids and just adjusting to a much bigger city than where I am from.

Although short lived, I have learned more than anyone that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

And that short experience brought me to the wonderful world of San Antonio.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up here.

The area, yes, because I love the Hill Country and honestly Austin, has always been my main goal, but maybe I am falling in love with San Antonio.

Or really I think I am just falling more in love with myself and all that I've accomplished, and even better... where I am going to end up, wherever that may be.

My life got a little hectic for a minute there, we won't go into all the details but let's just say, I tried something it didn't work, I tried something else, I wasn't happy, so here I am, took a crazy crazy chance, and here I am in a new city, in a totally different career field, out here on the grind.

But I am loving my new found career, my never ending drive to refuse to fail at something, and just taking it all in of a new city.

I have only been here a few weeks and I feel like I am already starting to get used to where things are.

I can't lie, I was scared shitless moving here.

A place I had been to only a handful of times before moving here.

But sometimes we are placed in front of amazing opportunities and we can either run from it because it's something so brand new, or we can embrace it, take a chance, and go for it.

I don't miss College Station, I miss the familiarity of things, where everything is, how quick it takes me to get to Target and Rue 21.

Which by the way I haven't seen a Rue 21 here yet but let me tell you, if there isn't one close to me I think I am going to be heartbroken!

Upon making my decision to move here, I can't lie... a huge reason was music.

I want to see as much live music as my little heart will let me.

I like to call myself a "professional concert goer''.

One thing about leaving home was to try new things, to change things I've been wanting to change, and really focus on myself and what I want.

One big thing I was tired of was always ending up at a bar somewhere until 2 am.

The thing about Houston was that I would go have happy hour drinks after work, and be home by 8-9pm.

I like that.

I'm 29 and there's really no reason to be out until 2 am every night.

But I love live music and the cool thing about places out here is you can go out to a concert, have a good time and be home well before midnight.

See, there's nothing wrong with that.. it's called adulting.

Also, the food.

I haven't even begun to try all the amazing food there is to be had but boy am I excited.

Uber eats might be the best thing since Uber, and let me tell you, last night I tried a Chinese place I won't be trying again because I wasn't a fan of their fried rice. haha.

And then there's the scenery.

Have you SEEN the sunsets out west?

HOLY CRAP?

I told someone I was from Bryan, Tx and they said oh that's East, Tx.

HAHA, not even close.

And this isn't really West, Tx but let me tell you, it's West for me and gosh, it is gorgeous out here.

But all in all, as scared as I was moving here, as very few people that I know here, I don't miss home. I miss familiarity, and I think that's natural because it's something we are so used to.

But sometimes we have to fully let go of something we held on to for so long to allow something so great right in front of us have their chance.

I remember being in Katy, missing home, wanting to go back, feeling like I left my heart there, because in a way, I did.... but now that I am out here, it's quiet, I don't know where shit is... weirdly enough, I don't miss home.

I love coming home after a long day and just watching tv, cleaning and just kind of letting it all soak in. I drive around and get familiar of where things are too. I just need to find me some sushi, and some good tacos and I think I will be good. And there's a concert I want to go to in two weeks that I need to make a friend or two fso I don't have to go alone. Haha.

But this move is good.

My heart needed this.

Life has a crazy way of leading us to places we never thought we'd end up.

Anyway, when I was in Houston I got a membership to a gym there that isn't too far up the road here... so I am about to go see what that's about.

And even though I am not/will not be posting as much as I was, stay tuned for my book, still hoping to have it released by Christmas!

Until next time friends....

Almost "Single" Again

Yesterday I got the news that in 12 days I go to court to finalize my divorce.

12. DAYS!!

12 FUCKING DAYS!!!!

Can you tell how excited I am?

I will officially be a Herrera again!

While divorce is never easy, still this is something I have wanted so badly since we split a year and half ago.

I know that he wanted to work things out but I kept telling myself, it's going to take a lot to get me there.... but once I am done, I am done. And when I asked him to leave, I knew in my heart I would never look back.

And I meant it.

I moved on.

I dated someone for a year who was amazing, we had a blast together but eventually you realize you're just not on the same page about things and you move on.

For most of this year I have been single. I have truly been alone.

I went to work, came home and sat here, ALONE.

Just listened to Chico bark.

Everyone thinks they can be lonely... but lonely isn't easy.

I remember the day I asked Blake to leave, he got some of his things and he left for a week. A week later he came back and got the rest of his things and boy did we fight. We said things that we knew each one of us could truly hurt the other person with.

After that day, I told myself to never be that way again.

Relationships are hard.

Marriage is hard.

REAL FUCKING HARD.

It's work. It's seeing someone so vulnerable it's like their heart is outside of their chest allowing you to just throw it on the ground. It's watching someone sick and throw up all hours of the night from a stomach bug. It's watching that person bury their mother and watching them slip into a deep depression afterward and doing all the silly and crazy things you have to in order to cheer them up. It's late night dinners, early morning trips to the deer stand or softball field. It's a lot.

Those are things that I didn't have in my marriage. They are things I wished I had, but I did not.

Blake and I were different. Friends yes, but in love.... at one time, yes I remember loving him.

I remember one time Blake asked me why I started blogging. I told him because I like to talk, and writing is me putting the words in my heart down on paper. I remember telling him I couldn't talk to him. I couldn't genuinely tell him how I am feeling without an argument or judgement being thrown.

It's like right now, I write because the person I want to talk to isn't here for me to talk to anymore. I am alone. So I write the thoughts in my heart down on paper. You'd laugh at the unpublished blogs I currently have of jumbled up thoughts.

But in 12 days I get my life back.

I get being able to meet someone and sincerely say “Hi, I am "Lisset Herrera" and not think about my last name still being polish on my license.

I get to start a new book to write.

While I appreciate the last 6 years of my life with Blake, I also know so many things I could've done differently. I know in my heart that if I had had the strength to push the wedding back, or call it off, I wouldn't have gotten married. And that's nothing against Blake, it's what I went through in life, and I changed. I think I always knew I had the dreams to travel, to leave this town, to move on and see the world, but instead when I went through some tragic events I looked to fill a void and do things I thought I was "supposed" to do like get married, buy a house.... but when everything settled... I realized I wasn't happy. We fought, we were never together, we stopped eating dinner together, he sat outside while I was inside. I remember crying in bed and just wishing I had someone to hold me and I asked him to come inside and hold me and he did but he was annoyed. I remember feeling so alone. I resented him because he didn't know deep in my heart how I felt losing my mom and dad and then to feel like I was losing him.

But here's the deal about Blake, although we've had our issues and have said hurtful things, I still cannot seem to hate him. I love him but I need to let him go for good. I wish I knew a girl as awesome as myself, maybe a little more reserved, and a not as loud and someone who wants to live here forever, I would SO HOOK HIM UP. I know that sounds crazy but I want him so badly to be happy. Blake is sweet. Genuine. Doesn't yell much unless I've pushed him to that point or it’s a tied softball game, then he can be a little loud, lol. He is going to meet an awesome woman one day who is going to make him forget why he was ever sad over me.

Now as for me... I get to move on. I get to say goodbye to this town and see what the world has to offer. One day I am going to meet someone and get to go on a date with them and I won't have to explain that I need to get a divorce first. I get to go on trips and have HERRERA as my boarding pass again. I get to fall in love without any hesitations holding me back. Because if there's one thing I know I want is to be someone's love again. I always say I miss that because even though it was short lived, I miss having that someone, my person, that security, the one person you can tell anything and everything to, the one person you're completely comfortable with, the one person who calls you on your shit. I miss that. And it's out there, waiting for me. Whether I may have already met him, or he is still to be seen, he's there... and one day, maybe not next year, or the year after that... but one day... I will be a wife again, and this time... I'm not going anywhere.

So, I will end this on a quote I found the other day and it couldn't describe me anymore perfectly...

"She's got a story to write, and it looks nothing like her past."

Until next time...

Courage, Vulnerability, and Missing Your "Person"

I feel like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed with what I am writing about.

But I'm not writing this to get HIS attention...

Or maybe I am.

But I am writing because, like always, it soothes me.

I just can't help but want to write about how strong I have been even when I don't exactly feel it.

A week ago today, I made myself so vulnerable.

Ugh, it still hurts being vulnerable and not getting any response in return.

That's right? I put myself out there with HIM and he didn't say a word back to me.

SUCKS RIGHT?

Yes and no.

To be honest I don't blame him.

You see, a few months ago I was introduced to a man by a mutual friend of ours.

Something about being apart of my life is that you will probably at some point be written about in my blog or book.

I never use names unless I ask them for attention because otherwise this snippet of my life can still easily be understood without any names.

So this pertains to my life and something I need to get off my chest!

Anyway, we were introduced, we chatted at hours on end, met face to face and had a crazy good connection.

Well due to unforeseen circumstances, the "timing" was just off.

I was upset at the thought of not having him by my side as I so happily had the last few months but steadily the last few weeks and I told him how I felt about HIM.

When you get my age (28) you just kind of know when something is worth your time and when it isn't.

This is definitely something I wanted to spend more time getting know.

So I put myself out there, put myself on the line, told my true feelings, something he knows is no easy task for me...and NOTHING!!

Ugh, nothing!

Talk about HEARTBREAK.

Like I said, I (kind of) can't blame him.

It's just that maybe in that moment he didn't want to say anything to hurt me or to make a situation something it should be.

I don't know.

But what I do know is that that made me stronger.

I am proud of myself.

I put myself out here.

That took courage.

I am now stronger because of it.

Since then I have stepped out of a few other comfort zones of mine.

1 big one including my home.

1 also including my job.

I took this courage and channeled it into my life, and I am chasing my dream, which is to just go where the wind blows.

I am excited to see what the future has for me all because I had the courage to be vulnerable.

But if you're out there, reading this, just know I don't regret being vulnerable with you. That took a lot of courage. And courage is something I am very fond of these days since that night I so bravely put my feelings on the line for you. And also since since then I have been more courageous than I have been in a while and followed my dreams and closed a book of my life that has been needing to be closed.  So for that I thank you.

And miss you.

You became my "person."

Whether you realized it or not.

I know that now matter what, everything happens for a reason.

You came into my life, left your mark, and for that I am forever thankful.

So if you're out there reading this, which I'm sure you aren't.... don't let something that is important to "ME", pass you by. You should know what I mean. What's meant to be, will always find a way.

Now that.... that took courage!

Until next time!!