Embrace The Change

Growing up in a small town is easy.

You know everyone.

You can get everywhere within 5-10 minutes.

So when I graduated High Schiol and I moved to Bryan, TX I knew it would be an adjustment.

But I wasn't scared.

Bigger city.

But let's go.

I was back and forth on weekends when I was away at school.

But I adjusted well.

10 years later here I am, have made this place my home.

I purchased my first home.

I made life long friends.

I saw the sunrise and the sun go down in this city.

But I've known for a long time this place wouldn't be home.

I never quite felt it.

My friend and I were talking the other night about this place being a "black hole" and if you get to knowing the right(or wrong) people it can feel so much like you're sucked into this black hole.

I've always wanted to explore new cities, new experiences.

And I am not going to lie, when I went to Las Vegas it changed me.

I saw some things, experienced life.

Took in new air and saw life how it's meant to be... which is LIVED!

I fell in love in so many different ways. 

So, I decided.... it's time for a change.

I need to feel a new city.

To see new things.

Experience new life.

To embrace the change.

Life for me has been tough but I have still kept on smiling, kept on moving forward in my career, and kept on accomplishing my goals.

And now is the time...

So, I made the decision to move to Houston.

I applied for countless jobs and landed one I know I'm going to love. 

I'm a hard worker.

And I'm an awesome person.

And I am about to experience a new city and accomplish more goals.

So here's to embracing the change, to taking in a new city, to new life and to growing as a person...

Because like I've said before... NOW IS THE TIME.

Here's to my next adventure!!

Regret

I was talking to a friend today about it being Father's Day and what not. 

I asked him if he saw his dad today and he said no.

Of course my response is

'Why... it's Father's Day?'

He proceeded to give me about three excuses, none of which I bought because to me there's no excuse in not seeing your father when he is about an hour and half up the road.

So I said....

I lost my mom three years ago. 

Her and I were never really the best of friends.

Growing up we butt heads like there were no two people more polar opposite.

But she was still my mom. 

Then, as I got older our friendship grew. I started to appreciate the hard working woman I knew shealways was and I started to see things that a young, sheltered, kid wouldn't ever notice. 

We grew closer and I'm thankful for that because it wasn't long after my mom went on her new journey to Heaven.

So the one thing I don't have is regret. 

Yes, there are many times I think I should have done this or maybe that, but the lingering feeling of regret is not there. 

I know deep down in my heart I gained a beautiful relationship with my mom so that I wouldn't have to carry those feelings with me later on.

So, my whole drive home I thought about having regrets.

Wondering if I have any.

Wondering if I ever will.

Wondering what that's like.

Then I remembered conversation with one of my friends about a year and a half ago I asked him if he regretted all of the bad choices he's made in life.

He had made some wrong choices by choosing drugs, and a lifestyle that I have never known or seen but he had some great opportunities and passed them up because of his choice in drugs. Hehad to pay the price and overcome that and has grown so much since becoming a sober man.

But I remember that day so vividly, we were driving in his cousins car, they had just picked me up from dropping my jeep off at the dealership a week after purchasing it because the damn windshield wasn't sealed properly(that’s another story for another day)...and I remember talking to him about his drug of choice and where it led him in life and my exact words were "Do you have regrets doing that and having all of those opportunities taken away from you?"

And he told me....

"NO."

He said that all the choices he has made in life led him to where he is. He said they are not regrets, rather lessons learned. He said without those choices, it would not have shaped him into the man he is today.

And boy I am not going to lie, that hit deep.

And it was that day I saw a different side of him and I saw a different side of life.

He was always goofy and BSin' with me but I saw a different side...a more serious side I guess.

Anyway, it was during that time that I was going through my divorce and my husband and I were splitting up, work was stressful, I was finding out who real friends are, it just seemed like a mess.

People started asking me if I regretted getting married.

My answer then and my answer now.... absolutely not.

Every man that I ever dated was a learning experience. It showed me what I do and don't want out of a man. It showed me who I am as a person and the lengths I am willing to go and not to go. And every man I ever dated led me to my ex-husband. Whether it be friends I met along the way that introduced me to someone else... regardless…..EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. 

So now when I make choices I think to myself… Will I have regrets from this?

Will I make this choice and regret it?

Will I not make this choice and regret it?

Will this help me grow as a person?

Will this be a complete waste of time?

In everything I do now, I think about regret.

Because life is short and I don’t want to get to the end of my road and when it’s time for me to go on to my next journey, I don’t want to have any regrets.

And I don’t want to spend a life with people and if their time comes earlier than mine, I don’t want to have regrets. 

I want to have said I love you, to made sure they got home safe, to go out of my way to make them happy, or whatever it may be, I want to make sure my time with them is preciously spent so there are no regrets.

So my advice to you…

Do what scares you.

Date the girl.

Fall in love.

Get a job that makes you happy.

Travel alone.

Buy the puppy.

Skydive.

Buy a stranger food.

Spend too much time with your family.

Make new friends.

DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!

Because regret, is so not worth that awesome feeling you get when you do something you know you want to do.

Until next time….

Trusting In HIS Plan

I've come to realize I write a lot about relationships, friendships, clothes, shopping, etc., but I don't often write about God.
I'm not this Christian who goes to church every weekend and I hate to say I've never really read the Bible from beginning to end.
I hear it's a great book.
I need to read it sometime.
But one thing I do every night is say my prayers.
I pray to God and pray to my momma.
And trust me when I say I know they hear me.
Especially my momma.
That woman is still watching over me in her after life.
But anyway, although I say my prayers every night I still need to remind myself to trust in HIM.
I'll repeat myself...
TRUST IN HIS PLAN!!!
It is something I've been telling myself for a week straight now.
When it comes to the guy I've been seeing, friends who have let me down, the new job I'm trying to land... all things I have a hand in and get so upset when something doesn't go right... I have to trust in his plan.
I can hear myself as a little girl "but mom, why did he lie with me?" Or "mom, why did she not turn out to be the friend I thought she was?"
Because it wasn't in his plan.
Maybe it was his plan to send them my way.
But not for them to stay.
Maybe he wanted me to learn from the breakup and learn from the friendship that there's better ones out there.
People often say God puts people in your life but doesn't mean they're always meant to stay.
And sometimes God puts people in your life that are supposed to stay, but he wants you to sit down and think about who is really meant to. Maybe someone you're over looking.
At 28 years old I'm finally realizing this.
I've lost love.
I've lost friendships.
I've not landed a job I really wanted.
Because it wasn't in his plan. 
I needed to learn what losing meant to appreciate winning.
I've needed to really learn it.
And appreciate it.
So while you may be really waiting on something... and some things may work out... and some might not....
TRUST IN HIS PLAN!!!

Until next time...

There's The Door... Don't Let It Hit You On The Way Out

You know what gets old....

People who use you. 

People who think it's okay to use you because it's convenient for them. 

AND. I. HAVE. FUCKING. HAD IT. 

Did you hear what I just said? 

I'll repeat myself... 

I've fucking had it with you. 

To the sorrry ass girls who want to be your friends but then go talk about you behind your back...

To the sorry ass girls who say "I swear I'll never tell anyone" and then blab their mouths the first chance they get...

To the sorry ass girls who say they'll never go after your man, and then they do...

To the sorry ass guys who want to get your attention, make you think this is going somewhere and then just start ignoring you...

To the the sorry ass guys who think it's okay to talk to multiple women at the same time and think we won't ever find out about it...

To the sorry ass guys who want to play games and never really commit...

Yeah, I'm talking to ALL OF YOU!!!! 

This post is for all the people who have ever been wronged by a friend, or a potential significant other...you're voice has been heard and it's time to put a stop to the madness.

If you're one of the sorry ass people male or female... YOU CAN KICK ROCKS!!!!

Yeah. I said it. 

We don't have room or time for you in our lives anymore. 

We are tired of giving you a chance and you screwing us over. 

I feel like Madea in Diary of a Mad Black woman. 

I mean seriously... how many times does it take for someone to completely screw someone over before karma comes back and bites them in the ass? 

There's far too many good people out there in the world wasting their time on worthless friends and relationships and it HAS GOT TO STOP. 

So there's the door and don't let it hit you on the way out!!!!!

Until next time...

Falling In Love

Love.

Why are we so scared of it?

Why does loving someone make so many of us run?

Love is beautiful.

It is patient.

It is kind.

Love.... bears all things.

But falling in love can be so scary.

And why do we call it falling?

Because when we fall in love are we really falling.

I think of it more as going up. As reaching towards the sky, towards the unknown.

When we fall in love everything is so new.

The "Good Morning" text messages, the dinner dates, the phone calls before you go to bed.

The "butterflies" feeling.

But what I can't understand is why are so many of us scared to have that?

To feel that?

As humans sometimes we think we are in love but sometimes it might just turn out to be lust.

But love is real.

You know when it's love.

Love is passionate.

Love is laughing at all hours of the night until it hurts.

Love is dancing together at random times, no matter the time or place.

Love is opening your arms for her when she crawls into bed and wants to snuggle with you.

Love is kissing her on her forehead when she's had a bad day and just wants to sit there in silence with you.

Love is compromising life with her.

Love is traveling together and falling in love with new places together.

Love is letting your guard down and telling your secrets and fears.

Love is being vulnerable.

Yes, it's scary.

Yes, you might get hurt.

Yes, the pain that something is literally stepping on your heart might be there.

But, what if something great comes out of it.

What if you find your forever person?

Think about all the endless possibilities you can learn from someone that loves you.

The things that they might show you.

The different ways they express their love for you.

So yes, falling in love can be so scary, but damn, it could be so worth it.

Don't be afraid to love.
Until next time.

I'm strong... But Not Always

There are days that I just don't have it in me.

Today is one of those days.

Yesterday was one of those days.

Fuck, the last week was a couple of those days.

I've been through so much shit in life at my young 28 years of life and people ask me all the time "How are you still smiling?"

My answer is always "Because I have to. The world doesn't stop. The world damn sure isn't going to pay my bills." 

But because of what I've been through in life, I am stronger than who I was.

I think I've always been pretty strong willed. 

Pretty sure my parents and family could all agree with that.

But with life happenings I've just gotten stronger.

That hasn't always been the case.

There are many times I've fallen but you just have to continue to get back up. 

When I got married, I never thought 10 months later I'd be single again.

I never thought I would be paying my mortgage by myself.

When I bought my jeep that I love so much I bought it with the idea that yeah, I can afford this because we split the bills and we were very comfortable!

So, I never thought I would be paying a mortgage, a high car note, bills, and trying to enjoy life ALL BY MYSELF.

Something goes wrong, I have to fix it.

My puppy gets sick... I have to pay for it.

Those everyday little things in life.... MAKE ME WEAK.

I hate it.

I literally sometimes am paying bills and just crying.

I didn't sign up for this by myself.

I didn't sign up for this to have my mom die when I was 25 and have my dad taken away from me just 49 days before that. 

I didn't sign up to get married and fight every single day for 300 days.

I didn't sign up to make friends and have them break my heart worse than any breakup could.

I didn't sign up for any of it.

But just know, that maybe on the days that I am being strong, or a little bit stronger willed than the day before.... it's because I was having a weak moment. 

And even though I am a strong person... I am not always strong, and sometimes, I need someone to be stronger than me. I need someone to pick me up on the days I am not myself. I need someone to just sit there in silence and remind me that things are going to be okay. I need someone who will walk beside me, not in front of me. I need someone who will encourage my goals as their goals. 

And even though I am strong.... sometimes I need those weak moments to remind me what I've been though, and remind me how strong I know I am, and remind me that I know where I am going.

But what do I do.

I wake up, I stand up, and I deal.

I have to.

I FUCKING HAVE TO!

Until next time....

Being Vulnerable

V.U.L.N.E.R.A.B.L.E

The things that word makes people do.

You see the problem is that no one wants to be vulnerable.

My friend Mandee posted this on her Facebook the other day, "I hate that society as a whole views emotion as a weakness. You have to be brave to be vulnerable. You have to be strong to be empathetic to others. You need to be diligent never give up on your loves ones. To me being emotional is by far my greatest strength."

I could not have said it any better.

Being vulnerable is showing emotion.

Showing emotion is courage.

The problem is that not every one deserves your vulnerability.

You see the problem is that we show emotion to those who are not respectful of our emotions.

Whether it be to a new guy/girl your interested in or a new friend you barely know.

Being vulnerable is being raw.

Being you.

And because some of us may have been screwed over in the past, we don't want to be vulnerable.

Trust me, I am the first person who doesn't want to show emotion.

Because to me showing emotion means letting you in.

And letting you in means giving you the opportunity to hurt me.

And I am just not down for that.

But, what I will say is that those of us who have been vulnerable and have been hurt,that doesn't give you the right to hurt others who are vulnerable to you.

We are all adults here and we are learning as we go...

But there's no need in hurting someone if someone else has hurt you.

Things eventually come back full circle and you will get hurt again if you do that.

You see, I'm not vulnerable.

Usually... I'm not.....

But, here lately, I've been a little more than usual.

I've said things like, "I miss you" or "I want to see you" and that alone is hard for me.

Because when I say that, will they say "I miss you too" or will they question if I miss them or not?

And then that'll just make me wish I never said it.

But sometimes you just have to lower your guard.

Because sometimes someone else is willing to help you lower that guard.

But if you keep it up forever, they'll eventually get tired of it and move on to something else.

It's not going to be easy.

It's uncomfortable and scary.

But be vulnerable.

You deserve to be.

You never know what new opportunities it can bring.

That my friend, is the most rewarding courage.

Until next time...

Book Excerpt

I'm so in love with this book that I had to reshare an excerpt from my book. 

There won't be many of these and the book "might" be done earlier than expected.

Accomplishing goals one at a time.    

Ryder looks down at Leighton. She stands there trying to catch her breath. That's been an issue every time he's around. He grabs her chin. His hands are so rough. She remembers why she fell in love with him so long ago. His touch. The strength yet softness behind it. He tilts her head up to him. "Leighton, just give me a chance to love you and I swear on everything we will be the happiest we can be together. And true happiness. Not that bullshit you talked yourself into with him.There's so much I am going to show you that you won't be able to question my feelings towards you even if you wanted to."

She drops her head into his chest, tears rolling down her face. She knows this is going to be a hard decision. But her heart loves him. Her body longs to feel more of his touch. She wipes her tears and steps back. She looks away knowing if she looks into those deep blue eyes she'll get lost. Just like she does every other time. "Why now? Why should I trust you 10 years later? After you just up and walked out of my life I had to put myself together. It wasn't easy. I compared every man to you. I couldn't love anyone else like you. So why now.?" He grabs her on the small of her back and pulls her toward him. His tone deeper than it's ever been. His eyes only watching her. "Baby, I wasn't a man then, but I'm one now and I want to show you everything I know. I want to show you the world. I want to do things to you that I can't even begin to tell you because I'd make them happen right here, right now."